Coping with emotions

Common feelings after a cancer diagnosis

After a cancer diagnosis, people may feel overwhelmed or numb. Other common emotional reactions include:

• Shock and disbelief – You may find it hard to accept that you have cancer, especially if you don’t feel sick.
• Fear, worry and anxiety – You may feel anxious and uncertain about how cancer will affect you, your family and the future.
• Anger, guilt and blame – It’s common to think “why me?” and feel angry. This anger may come out as being snappier than usual with family and friends. You may feel  angry at yourself, or even feel some anger towards your health professionals about your diagnosis.
• Sadness and depression – It’s natural to feel sad about how cancer might change your everyday life and what it means for the future. If you have continued feelings of sadness, trouble getting up in the morning or have lost motivation to do things that used to give you pleasure, you may have depression. Talk to your GP because counselling or medication can help.
• Loss of control – You may feel that you’re losing control of your life. This can be particularly difficult for people who are used to being independent or have caring responsibilities.
• Loneliness – Cancer can feel isolating, even if you have people around you for support.

There’s no right or wrong way to feel after a cancer diagnosis, and your emotions may change over time. For ways to help you cope with how you're feeling, see below.

Ways to cope

You might find some of the following strategies helpful in managing how you feel after a cancer diagnosis and during treatment.

If you’re experiencing high levels of distress, talk to your cancer care team or call Cancer Connect on 13 11 20. For 24-hour support, call Lifeline 13 11 14.

Look after yourself

If your health allows, being active, eating healthy food and drinking plenty of water can help you cope with the emotional stress of cancer and its treatment. It can also help to focus on maintaining or improving your sleep. Learn ways to prepare for treatment. 

Focus on one day at a time

Thinking of all the “what-ifs” can feel overwhelming. It can help to focus just on the next step. Taking things one day at a time can make challenges feel more manageable.

Seek support

Talk to a family member, friend or health professional. You could also call Cancer Connect on 13 11 20, visit the Cancer Council Online Community or join a support group. Accepting or asking for help around the home or with other responsibilities, like caring for children or community activities, can make things easier.

Find out what to expect

Learning about cancer and its treatment can help you make decisions and feel more in control. Take in information at your own pace, so you don’t feel overwhelmed. It might be useful to bring a family member or friend to appointments for support and to take notes. You can also ask to record the appointment with the doctor’s consent. Be sure to ask questions about anything you want to know.

Take a break

Make time each day to relax. Try activities that help you to feel good such as reading, listening to music, taking a bath or having a massage. Staying connected with work, hobbies, or time with family and friends can help you take a break from cancer. It may be helpful to tell friends and family that it’s okay not to talk about cancer sometimes too.

Does “positive thinking” help?

After a cancer diagnosis, some people may encourage you to “stay positive”. They may think that having a positive attitude improves the chances of a better outcome after cancer treatment. But it’s common to have negative and positive emotions, and this won’t affect how your treatment works. If you need support in coping with a diagnosis, you may be referred to a psychologist or a social worker. Joining a support group can also help.

Draw on spirituality

Some people find meaning and comfort in their faith. Others see spirituality more generally. A cancer diagnosis can challenge deeply held beliefs. Talking with a spiritual care practitioner, religious leader or Elder can help.

Clear your mind

Complementary therapies, such as yoga and meditation, can help you feel more in control, reduce stress and anxiety, and improve mood.

Managing all the information

Many people feel overwhelmed by the amount of medical information they receive in the days and weeks after a cancer diagnosis. This may be called “information overload”.

It can be hard to take in complex information when also coping with shock, distress and cancer symptoms such as pain or fatigue. You can just take in information at your own pace; you don’t need to understand everything at once.

You might find it helpful to:

• bring a family member or friend to appointments to take notes
• record the discussion (but make sure you ask your doctor first)
• ask your doctor for printouts of results and keep them in a folder
• email questions to your cancer care team ahead of your appointment.

Finding more information

Some people want to learn as much as possible about cancer and its treatment right away, while others prefer to take things slowly. If you would like to learn more, you can find reliable information through our Cancer Connect service. Call 13 11 20.

It can be tempting to search online for information about cancer – and many people turn to “Dr Google”. However, not all online information is accurate, up to date, or relevant to your situation. Be sure to use information from trusted sources, such as this Cancer Council website.

Telling family and friends

Telling people you have cancer can be hard. You might worry about how your family and friends will react, and want to protect them. Sharing this news in your own way can prevent confusion and give others a chance to support you. To prepare for these conversations, you could:

• pick a quiet time and place to talk, if possible
• decide if it’s best to talk in person, or by phone or text
• ask someone close to join you when you tell others.

Keep in mind that people may get upset when you tell them about your diagnosis, and you might end up comforting them. This can be exhausting, so give yourself time and space, and consider telling only a few people at a time. And remember that it’s okay not to tell everyone.

Telling children that a parent, sibling or another person has cancer can be extra tough. See Talking to kids about cancer for tips for having conversations with children and teenagers.

See information about telling your workplace about a diagnosis.

If you don’t want to tell people yourself, ask a close friend or family member to do it. They also might set up a group chat to share updates. If you’re unsure what to say, you can speak to your hospital social worker or call Cancer Connect on 13 11 20.

If the cancer is advanced

Finding out the cancer is advanced (stage 4 or metastatic) when it’s first diagnosed can be devastating. Treatment for advanced cancer is improving all the time, and sometimes it can be controlled for many months, years or a lifetime. Treatment will be focused on supporting people to do the things that are important to them. Setting personal goals, like spending time with family and friends, will be an important part of treatment. You may also be referred to a palliative care team.