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Overview
The end of treatment can be a time of mixed emotions for a family. Your kids may worry the cancer will return, or act as if the cancer never happened.
Being open about how you’re feeling may encourage your kids to talk about their emotions. It may also help to celebrate the end of treatment and thank your family for their support.
What’s on this page
What do children need to know?
It may help children and young people to know that cancer can be a life-changing experience for many people. Once treatment has finished, some people want life to return to normal as soon as possible, while others feel they need to re-evaluate their life.
This process is often called “finding a new normal”, and it may take months or years. People may also worry about the cancer coming back. The person who has completed cancer treatment may continue to feel the physical impact of cancer and its treatment. For example, fatigue is a problem for most cancer survivors. They may make life changes such as choosing a new career, starting a new exercise program, reassessing relationships or improving their eating habits.
For more information, see Living well after treatment.
How children react
Like many adults, children may find it hard to understand why things can’t go back to the way they were before the cancer. They’ve had to deal with changes while their parent or other family member was sick, and now they probably want to get back to normal.
Your kids may:
- expect the person who had cancer to bounce back
- become clingy
- worry the cancer will return
- carry on as if the cancer never happened.
Expect good days and bad days – for both adults and children in the family. Focus on one day at a time.
Answering common questions
Will the cancer come back?
Will the cancer come back?
This can be a chance to hear your children's concerns about “What if?”. Listening to their fears is important in helping them cope.
“The treatment is over and we all hope that will be the end of it. We hope that the cancer won’t come back, but the doctors will keep a careful eye on the cancer with check-ups every now and then. If the cancer does come back, I will have some more treatment, which we hope would make it go away again. We’ll let you know if that happens.”
Why are you still tired?
Why are you still tired?
“I’m feeling a lot better, but the doctor said it might take many months, even a year, to get all my energy back.”
“The treatment was worth it because now I’m better and the cancer has gone away, but it took a lot out of me and now my body needs time to recover. This is normal for people in my situation.”
Can’t we get back to normal now?
Can’t we get back to normal now?
You may need to take some time to process the ways that cancer has affected you, but this will probably be difficult for children, particularly younger ones, to understand.
“Life will start to get more like normal as I feel better, but we may change the way we do things, like ... [the way we eat/how much I go to work]. Maybe we can also find some new hobbies to do together.”
“We’ve all been through a lot and I know it’s been hard for you too. Things might not get back to exactly how they were before I got sick, but together we can find a new way that works for all of us.”
Family life after treatment
You may celebrate the end of cancer treatment and acknowledge that it has been a difficult period for everyone; this is particularly important for teenagers. Your children have lived with worry for months and may need your permission to relax and have fun again. Thank them for their role in keeping the family going and supporting you.
Let the family know how you’re feeling emotionally and physically so they understand if you’re not bouncing back as quickly as they expected. It may be helpful to remind your family that side effects are likely to last for a while after treatment finishes.
Keep using the emotions thermometer if you found it helpful. Be open about your feelings, such as if you’re feeling anxious before a check-up or disappointed that you couldn't attend something. This may encourage your kids to talk about their own emotions.
Do things at your own pace, and avoid any pressure to return to “normal” activities. You may want to ask yourself: Am I doing what fulfils me? Am I doing what I want to do? What is important to me?
Explain any changes to the family’s lifestyle to your children and negotiate responsibility where possible.
During your recovery, you may be able to encourage your family to join you in making some healthy lifestyle changes – for example, you could do light exercise together, or make healthy changes to the kids’ diets as well as your own.
Looking after yourself
If you are a parent who has finished cancer treatment, you may want to focus your attention on your children, but it is important to look after your own wellbeing as well. These strategies can help.
- Consider joining a support group. You may find it helpful to meet other people who have been through cancer and understand how you are feeling. Find out about Cancer Council’s Peer Connect program by calling 13 11 20. They may be able to put you in touch with someone else in a similar situation.
- Read real-life stories of how other people have responded to a cancer diagnosis.
- Take part in a survivorship program or event. To find out what is available in your area, contact Cancer Connect on 13 11 20.
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