Understanding your feelings

How you might feel

Many people describe living with advanced or metastatic cancer as being in a “long middle” that is neither cure nor end of life. This can lead to many emotions – and they can change from day to day.

There is no right or wrong way to feel. Whatever feelings you have are understandable.

Some common emotions you – and people close to you – can feel include:

• Anxious about tests – waiting for scan or test results can make you feel worried (sometimes called “scanxiety”). Some people notice changes in sleep, appetite or concentration. These reactions are common.
• Pressure to stay positive – from others or yourself. While hope is important, so is letting yourself feel sad, angry, scared or tired.
• Misunderstood – when you look well, people may not realise you could be managing pain, fatigue or worry.
• Like a burden – worrying about the impact on your family and friends. These feelings can be painful, and talking about them can help.
• Loss and grief – for your health, independence, routines, roles or plans for the future. It’s natural to grieve these changes and to need time to adjust.
• Loneliness – even if you have people around, you may feel like nobody understands what you are going through. Some people may have trouble coping with the diagnosis or distance themselves from you.

For more information, see Emotions and cancer.

Living with uncertainty

Uncertainty is one of the hardest parts of living with advanced cancer. The following suggestions may help you manage this. 

• Take things one step at a time – Symptoms, treatment plans and day-to-day routines can change quickly. Focusing on the next day, week or appointment can feel more manageable than thinking too far ahead.
• Create routines – Simple daily habits can bring a sense of stability, such as waking and going to bed at the same time every day, a short walk, a favourite show, or a regular phone call. Routines can help remind you that some things are still within your control. 
• Talk about how you’re feeling – If you feel overwhelmed, it may help to talk to someone you feel comfortable with. This may be a trusted family member, a friend or a community leader. You can also call Cancer Connect on 13 11 20 to see if they can connect you with a support group.
• Try complementary therapies – Meditation, relaxation, massage or art therapy may help reduce stress. You can listen to relaxation and meditation exercises in Cancer Council's podcast series Finding Calm During Cancer.
• Find out more information – Understanding what to expect can help you feel more in control. Your treatment team can give you information and help you make plans. Cancer Council has many information resources. Call Cancer Connect on 13 11 20. 

I just have to live my life day by day. I can’t predict my future, I can’t plan things in the future. But what I can do is love every day and I truly do.

Anne

When to seek help for how you feel

Sometimes you might need to get extra help to manage your emotions. Talk to your GP or care team if you are:

• finding it hard to get through the day
• losing interest in things you usually enjoy
• feeling sad or anxious most of the time
• having trouble eating or sleeping
• having thoughts of hurting yourself.

Anxiety and low mood are common when living with cancer. Professional support – even for a short time – can help. This might be a counsellor, psychologist, social worker or psycho-oncologist.

Talk to your GP about whether professional support may help. You can also consider joining a support group. Many people find comfort in connecting with people in a similar situation. Cancer Connect can help you find this peer support. Call 13 11 20.

You can also call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. For crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency call Triple Zero (000).