Personal decisions

Making funeral plans

Some people may find the idea of planning their own funeral too sad or upsetting. They may think that funerals are for the family, and should be organised by them. Others may feel comforted knowing that the funeral will be carried out according to their wishes and that family or friends won’t have to guess what they would have wanted. Some people may prefer to have a memorial service or a living wake, while others don’t want any kind of funeral at all, or are concerned about the cost.

It’s a good idea to discuss the type of funeral you’d like to have with family and friends ahead of time. Even if you aren’t concerned about it, a funeral or memorial service can be an important part of the grieving process and provide comfort for family and friends.

You may find satisfaction in leaving your mark on the occasion and involving your family in the planning. If you’d like to make preparations but you can’t do the work, or prefer not to, talk to a spiritual care practitioner, funeral celebrant or end-of-life doula, as well as any family or friends. Alternatively, you might simply discuss your preferences with your family and executor. Or you might write down your wishes or lodge a plan with a funeral director of your choice.

You can plan your funeral to meet any cultural or spiritual preferences that are important to you. You might have a few requests for music you want played or poems you’d like read, or you may have detailed plans for the full service. You can also choose to have a non-traditional event such as a celebration of life. If you change your mind, you can alter these arrangements at any time. To prearrange or prepay a funeral, talk to a funeral director. You can download a pre-planning information form from Funerals Australia. It’s important to let your family know of any arrangements like this that you have made and to give copies of a prepaid funeral contract to your family or file it with your will.

Saying goodbye

Knowing you will die offers you a special opportunity – the chance to say goodbye to those you love and care about. It’s sad and difficult, but some people say they feel lucky that they’ve had the time to prepare.

Saying goodbye is a personal experience, so do what is right for you. When you feel you are ready, consider how you will say goodbye. You might set aside a time to talk to each person individually. Or, if you are physically up to it, you might have a gathering for friends and family. In some cultures, having extended family or Mob with you near the end of life is important. Tell your healthcare team what you would prefer. While there may be limits on the number of visitors at a hospital or palliative care unit at times, your healthcare team will try to support your wishes.

If you have young children or grandchildren, you could ask that a letter or recording be given to them at a specific age or time in their life. You (or your friends) could also create a slideshow or book of special photos. A memory box can be a special keepsake for your family. You may find it hard to think about a time when you won’t be there for your family, but leaving behind mementos can be helpful and comforting for them. If your children are very young, they’ll understand your words and sentiments when they’re older.

If you have a pet, you may want to consider who will care for them. A family member or friend may want to look after them, and you could consider leaving money in your will to cover this care. You could also look on local online pet message boards or talk to your local RSPCA to see whether they have a program for rehoming pets.

Celebrating your life

Knowing you are going to die gives you a chance to reflect on your life and all that you have done, and to think about your legacy. You could talk with family and friends about the special times you have shared together.

You might like to share some of your belongings or a small keepsake with family members and friends as a permanent reminder. You could also write letters or stories of your life, record special memories, make a short film or video featuring you with your friends, review or arrange photo albums, document your family’s history or family tree, make a playlist of favourite songs, gather treasured recipes into a cookbook, or create artwork or music. There are also paid and voluntary services that can help you make a record of your life.