The emotional impact

It can be hard to accept that there are limited treatment options or that the cancer can’t be cured. While denial can give you time to adjust to reality, if it’s ongoing you may delay getting treatment or help. Discuss your diagnosis with your doctor, no matter how you feel. 

It is frightening to hear that the cancer is advanced when you are diagnosed, or that it has come back or spread. You may be anxious after the shock of diagnosis, or fearful of dying. If these emotions become overwhelming, they may lead to panic attacks. 

You may feel angry that you weren’t diagnosed earlier, or because you’ve had to deal with cancer already, or because you feel your life will be cut short. Some people feel angry that, despite leading a healthy lifestyle, they have been diagnosed with cancer. This anger may be directed at family or friends, at doctors, or you may be angry at yourself. Asking “why me?” is completely understandable.

It’s common to blame yourself for the cancer. You may look back at possible symptoms you think you missed, or fear that your lifestyle may have somehow contributed to the cancer. Remember that the reason cancer spreads or doesn’t respond to treatment is usually unknown. You may also worry about how your family will cope or feel guilty that they may have to take care of you.

You may have less control over your life and your emotions, and this may leave you feeling helpless or powerless. It can be hard to adjust to an uncertain future or get used to the feeling of not knowing, especially if you are used to being organised or independent.

Even if you have people around, you may feel lonely at times. Feeling like nobody understands what you’re going through can be isolating. While family and friends are usually supportive, some may have trouble coping with the diagnosis, or misunderstand it. Some people may even distance themselves from you.

Understanding what to expect and being able to plan for any changes can make you feel more in control. Your oncology team (doctors, nurses and allied health practitioners) can give you information and help you to plan.

Use email, social media or a blog to stay in touch with family and friends. You can also visit the Cancer Council Online Community to connect with others in a similar situation.

If you start to feel overwhelmed, let your general practitioner (GP) know. Counselling or medicine – even for a short time – can be helpful. Your GP may be able to refer you for free or subsidised sessions to talk with a psychologist. Beyond Blue also has information about coping with depression and anxiety. 

There are some face-to-face, online and phone support groups where people with cancer meet regularly to talk about their experiences, call Cancer Connect on 13 11 20 for help connecting to a support group.

Relaxation, meditation and massage can help you to cope. Complementary therapies can lower your stress levels, ease anxiety, and improve your mood.

Try to focus on the small things that are still possible – like having a coffee with a friend or visiting your favourite places.

Even when your friends are genuinely willing to help, it can sometimes be hard to ask. You might want one friend or relative to coordinate offers of help and update people on how you are. Online tools can also help organise volunteers, e.g. Gather My Crew.

Some people find meaning and comfort in their religion, faith or spiritual beliefs. Others may experience spirituality in other ways, such as spending time with close family and friends or being out in nature. A cancer diagnosis can sometimes challenge your beliefs. It might help to talk about your feelings with a spiritual care practitioner (sometimes called a chaplain), religious leader or counsellor.